Things I would do if I was the Mayor of Canberra

Here are just a few ideas about what I am going to do when I become the Mayor of Canberra:

I would move everyone in the Belconnen region into townhouses in Crace and put a wall around it. Then all the people in 2612 could spread out a bit more and have an allotment for growing vegetables and a pony. I would ride a tractor up and down what used to be the suburb of Maquarie and the people would say "there goes the Mayor of Canberra on a tractor".

I would make copies of the massive owl statue on Benjamin Way, and I would place one on every major road leading up to a regional mall. In this way I would realise the final goal of Sir Walter Burley Griffen whose plan for Canberra specified no less than one owl before every significant meeting place. Then the ghost of Burley Griffen would finally rest and stop appearing to me every full moon saying "become the Mayor of Canberra for the sake of owls"

I would make a public holiday on every Monday to honour Sir Walter Burley Griffen and his owls. When the Canberra business sector complain that I am ruining the local economy, I would say "I am the Mayor of Canberra and your leader" and they would stop complaining because they would realise that my crappy regional economic approach is at least no worse than that of any previous government in Canberra, and therefore fit to be the regional economic approach of the Mayor of Canberra.

I would build a big Banana in the middle of Civic, and all the tourists would visit Canberra to see the big banana and they would bring their kids and wear their thongs thinking that it is a sub-tropical paradise with a three-day weekend until they have to drive through the routine lunchtime blizzards and they say "hey, this isn't a tropical paradise" to which I would reply "no, but it has owls" and they would say "thank you, Mayor of Canberra".

I would go to Cream on Bunda Street and I would steal all the eggs benedict with bacon and move it to a more suitable location where the service isn't provided by 17yo dudes in tight shirts that say "Yo". And everybody would go to the more suitable location and eat their eggs benedict and then cheerfully give all of their money to the Mayor of Canberra, which I would use to get very drunk.

I would audition some more candidates as the sister city of Canberra and they would be New York, Paris and London, and I would place owls around the statue of liberty and when New York is announced as the new sister city of Canberra and people would say "why did the Mayor make New York the sister city of Canberra?" I would point to the owls and say "here are some owls".